Stinking Thinking

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God Wants Me to Be Happy

Now it’s not that I’m against being happy. I do believe God wants people to be happy, but not to the point that it overcomes the right thing to do. Sadly, we’re living in a culture today that people literally determine what they’re going to do based on whether or not it makes them happy, and I’m talking about Christian people. I understand people without God in their lives thinking in these terms and even that’s ridiculous. But Christian people who literally think that what they’re going to do – my standard for life, what I decide to do, whether or not I keep my commitments and do whatever I’m supposed to do – is based on whether or not God wants me to be happy.

As I travel around the country, I am stunned at the number of people that I talk to who are ready to walk out on their family, walk away from their kids, walk away from their husband or their wife, and their pure justification is “God wants me to be happy.” You know, as if this was God’s standard for making His rules. I mean, this is ridiculous. I don’t think God was sitting up in heaven, saying, “thou shalt not commit adultery, unless it makes you happy, you know, I’m open to that.” I mean, this is totally ridiculous! I think, who told people this? Who told you God wants you to be happy to such a high degree? Oftentimes, God asks us to do things that make us profoundly unhappy. When Peter was being crucified upside-down, that was a bad day for him. But all today it’s all about being happy. “I gotta be happy. You gotta be happy. If I’m not happy, then nothing else counts, and nothing else matters.” It has gotten to a point where it’s absolutely insane.

Comments About This Clip

29 Responses to “God Wants Me to Be Happy”

  1. Tim DeTellis says:

    Mark – well said, just one more thought: if the pursuit of happiness is not what relationships or life is all about, then should the goal be: appreciate everything and expect nothing?

    Your fan,
    Tim

  2. alyssacarton says:

    Mark
    I love your show. I try to watch it every week. I think this is really important to talk about great job!!!!!
    your fan
    alyssa

  3. BJ1949 says:

    I made some errors in my initial submission, so I am now resubmitting it.

    Your show this week is extremely important! Thank you for sharing something profound God also shared with me about a decade ago!

    You mentioned the obsession of Christians who believe that their own personal happiness should be their #1 priority in life. It speaks to the selfishness of this generation and the selfishness of many in my own generation!

    When God created Adam and Eve (not Adam and Steve or Eve and Sally), propagation of the human species was his main goal: He told them to be fruitful and multiply and fill the Earth!

    God’s teachings don’t endores harems (men having multiple Wives), but as you know, Islam teaches that. That’s how they have been able to be fruitful and multiply to the point they are taking over our Earth by sheer numbers!

    You mentioned couples choosing to not have children was the reason the World is in this situation today, but it isn’t only for that reason but because so many of them have aborted their precious children God tried to bless them with and bless our World with, to make a difference, because He had a plan for their lives!

    I waited 5+ yrs. after my Son’s marriage before I had my first Grandchild because my Daughter-In-Law is extremely selfish, totally immature, and lazy! She has been totally focused only on herself, her own “happiness”, and her own career plans! She had the audacity to blame my Son for why it took so long for them to have a child, claiming he needed to “grow up”, when in fact, it was she who needed to grow up! In fact, my Son has done half or more of the raising of my GrandDaughter!

    Both now in their late 30′s, his Wife is still emotionally immature! My Daughter-In-Law still doesn’t want to have anymore children, and I seriously doubt, at this late age in life, they will be able to have anymore children. One thing you didn’t mention is there is a higher incidence of birth defects when women have children late in life.

    After my GrandDaughter’s birth, my Daughter-In-Law told me she planned to have another child within only a few years, so there would not be a big age difference in age between their children. I know how important this is because there was a huge age difference between me and my own much-older Siblings; which is one reason they all were insanely jealous of me and why they never bonded with me. To this very day they act like I was never even born and we have no relationship, because they intend to keep it that way!

    My GrandDaughter is extremely lonely because she has had to grow up totally alone, with no Siblings near her age (like me)! Furthermore, her Mom won’t allow her to play with any of the kids in their neighborhood and refuses to allow my Son let his Daughter play with other kids! The only time that my GrandDaughter gets to play with other kids is while she is at Kindergarten!

    This same attitude has totally permeated America today! It is not only because of the refusal of these selfish married couples to have children, there’s something else you failed to mention, Paul. I believe many married couples cursed their own fertility when they made the unGodly decision to fornicate together and live together outside of marriage, and like I said, when they decided to abort one or more of those precious Children God created to bless them with!

    I was a virgin when I married at 21; thinking my future Husband was as well. However, after we married, he told me he was sexually active with Prostitutes while serving in the US Military! As you said, his sexual promiscuity his engaging in self-sexual gratification and pornography was probably why he was unable to bond not only with me, but with our Son after his birth. Our Son wasn’t born until almost two years after we married, but my Husband wanted nothing to do with our Son when he was born or in the first 5 yrs. of his life! It became necessary for me to Divorce him, and he still wanted nothing to do with his own Son after we Divorced! Finally when our Son was 18 yrs. old–after I had done all the hard work of raising our Son totally myself–my Ex-Husband suddenly wanted to be part of his Son’s life!

    Our World is full of so-called “Christians” who’ve never read the Bible, who have no personal relationship with Jesus Christ. They are in large part of the statistics that say there have been 48+ million abortions since Roe v. Wade! As you were saying, all one has to do is tally up the numbers, but I wanted to add we would not have a Social Security shortfall today if those children had only been allowed to live, instead of be aborted, because they would have paid into the Social Security system!

    Furthermore, God had plans for the lives of all of those precious babies, and had they been allowed to live, what a difference they would have made in our world: they would have grown up to be doctors, scientists, Pastors, etc.!

    Please RERUN this VERY important program tonight and also mention these things I’ve mentioned, ABOVE!

    God BLESS you Mark!

    • Robert R. says:

      BJ1949 – Thank you for making some very valid points. However, I could not help but see an overwhelming amount of bitterness and hurt that you have experienced over the years. You mentioned your disappointment that you have toward your daughter-in-law; I am sure that both your son and his wife had to do some maturing after they were married so it was not just her… I know that my wife and I make decisions regarding our marriage and our life with out consulting my mom or her mom and some of our decisions have not set well with either parent! Unfortunately for our parents they do not make the decisions to govern our marriage. The Bible tells us that a man shall leave his mother and his father and shall cleave unto his wife. I also know as a parent that there are children in our neighborhood that my children are not allowed to play with for various reasons. You have probably done a very good job of raising your son and one of the hardest things for a parent to do is to let go, step back and allow them to be the parent. Be grateful for your granddaughter and enjoy your time with her! You also mentioned your ex-husband and the fact that he was not a virgin when you married and that he wanted nothing to do with your son and it became “necessary” to divorce him. After your son turned 18 he then wanted to be involved in your sons life. Last night on the show the co-host spoke of a woman who was very unhappy in her marriage. This woman sat down and listed all of her expectations that she wanted from marriage. She then put the list into a box and carried the box outside and had a funeral for her expectations. She buried them! It sounds as if you had some expectations that were not met in your marriage – for that I am truly sorry. Unfortunately many people are unable to let certain things go and it eats at them and consumes them which destroys everything in their life. I would presume – and I could be wrong – that the disappointment in finding out about your husbands lack of purity caused you to be unable to be physically bonded to him which led to an emotional detachment that ultimately led the divorce. The fact that when your son turned 18 your ex-husband then wanted to be a part of his life, leads one to believe that he wanted to be involved all along but was not allowed until your son became an adult and could decide for himself. I am not condoning your ex-husbands promiscuous life style while in the military before your marriage to him. But I am saying that love abolishes a multitude of sins and where love abounds grace does so much more abound. I would like to encourage you to go see your pastor and his wife and allow them to help you over come this hurt and bitterness because it does not only affect you – but everyone else around you…
      You will probably get mad at me and that is OK… I am a pastor – I am use to people being upset with me! The Bible says that the wounds of a friend are faithful, but the kisses of the enemy are deceitful. The knowledge of the truth will make you free… One thing I know – the truth will make you free but it often makes you mad first! Blessings…

  4. greg says:

    God wants me to love Him and serve him,which will create Joy in my life, there are no scripture references that say wait upon the Lord and you will be happy wrote those who wait upon the Lord will gain a new strength they shall mount up with wing like eagles they will run and not grow weary the shall walk and not faint IS 40:31, therefore if your happiness is created from heights long runs,and walking it will make you happy BUT happiness is nothing more than a fulfillment of earthly desire.It is Joy, a much deeper reward of the spirit that is truly fulfilling through Christ himself.Love the Lord with all your heart all your mind and all your strength THIS is God’s command deut6:5

  5. Caroline Stephens says:

    Thank you for being so honest in dealing with a very sensitive subject. Commitment to marriage and the family is so valuable for couples.

  6. God bless u guyz.

    Your shows and programs will help with God’s help build a good foundation in our relationships and in the marriage to come.

    Keep the good job.

    bless u

  7. Paul Sears says:

    This is very important in a day and age where I hear people say lets get married and if we don’t like it we can just get a divorce. I am going through some tough times myself after 21 years of marriage. My wife suddenly says she is unhappy and wants a divorce!!! I am trying to hold on with Gods help and I found this show by accident. My wifes mid life crisis is killing us. Thank you so much for trying to help married people stay together now if I can get her to watch it.

  8. Natiesha Facey says:

    Dear Mark,

    i listened to your program that spoke about the difference between the way men and women think.I found it interesting. However the way to spoke about understanding the way men think your views sound more worldly than biblical, it was as if you were saying that men are just made that way and there’s no turning back.that is good news for the world and that’s why many people found it funny. But as a christian regardless of how men are they must not compromise or mix the flesh with the spirit.In other words our flesh was just made to act/behave one way but we have to walk in the way that Jesus walk. He was a man too,yet he did not say things like “oh that’s how God made me” or “i thinking nothing” And also i find the name “stinking thinking” rather a degraduary name. How does “stinking” relates to christians? My question is ,Do you speak mainly scientifically and to the world rather than spiritually? Are you sending the message that the best way to A SUCCESSFUL marriage is just to accept that God made men like some “shut down machines” and we wives must just accept the “slop” and say that’s manhood? i won’t. because it just does not line up with God’s word.

  9. AMEN! AMEN! I just discovered your site, but I’m sure I’ll be back. I am a firm believer in “Laughter doeth good like medicine,”[Bible] as well as “Many a truth is told in jest.”[Shakespeare] It is definitely time for God’s people to wake up, face His Truth (even when it’s not “warm and fuzzy”), submit to His Way of doing things….. and have a good laugh!

  10. David says:

    I just caught your episode “If He Really Loved Me He’d Know What I Want” on TV last night.

    It reminded me of a preacher’s story I heard. This woman went to see her pastor and told him she had been praying for her husband to be saved and wanted the pastor to talk to him. The pastor made an appointment to meet the man for coffee and gave him a gospel presentation. The man told the pastor, “Oh, I’m already a Christian. But please don’t tell my wife. She is difficult to please, but she cuts me some slack because she believes I’m not saved. If she finds out I’m a Christian, she’ll be impossible.”

    In my own dating experience, I’ve found that sometimes when a woman does something nice for a man, she expects at least a Nobel Prize nomination, but when a man does something nice for a woman, the woman thinks it is almost nothing and is certainly unworthy of her.
    Or at least that’s how it feels.

  11. Margaret says:

    Dear Mark,
    i watch your program from Nairobi /Kenya and i must say it has really blessed me, thanks and may the good God bless you.

    Marggy from Kenya

  12. Luke Lesufi says:

    Wow I’m only 19 years old but I have to say I love this show, I love the fact that someone is willing to tackle the real issues between men and women which is as its put in the show: “stinking thinking”.
    I’m not against the idea of happiness, but here is a thought: If God wants you to be happy all the time then how come it’s possible to just wake up and not feel happy?
    Are we really so lazy to the point that we don’t want to do the right thing? I don’t know a lot about romantic relationships and stuff since I haven’t had a girlfriend but I’ve learned a lot from watching other people and my own friends. All of these myths are just excuses to not keep our commitments.
    I love what are preacher said once, marriage is not about YOU being happy but its about being holy, keeping your commitment to one another.

  13. Dianne M Hutton says:

    Hi Mark, have really enjoyed your programme on shinetv,NZ
    but wondered why you were so adamant that we dont have to change (today’s episode 7/4/09). We need to be changing a little bit everyday, with the seeds of the fruit of the Spirit growing and sprouting and oozing out through our pores.. I guess I have to leave my husband’s changing up to God to organise..pretty hard when stuff has gone on that does not line up with the life you thought you were both living.. Thank you for putting the effort in to talking(not every man’s forte) and for listening!
    Dianne

  14. jlin says:

    OK, well you’ve made some great points on the show that disgusses God wanting us/me to be happy. I don’t know if you know it, and if somehow I am incorrect, please excuse and forgive. It’s just that I was taught that the word “bastard” was profane, a curse/cuss, vulgar, etc. When did Christian leaders start being OK with using this word in open presentations and discussions. Perhaps I am in error, need to have my hearing checked, or, I guess for some, I’m overly “proper.” (People don’t usually think this about me.)

    If our Christian speakers, leaders, pastors, muscians, artists and other Christian role models use various forms of profanity, then what might that say to God’s people as well as others?

    Your show did make some points, and I did find it humorous at times. Just sharing some honest thoughts–again, if I “mis-heard,” I apologize, and would be glad to do so again.

  15. sarah says:

    This show has tremendously inspired me. I’m far from the age of marriage, but this show has given me an “outline” ,if i may, of what to expect and the type of man to look for. I want to add that if it is not known, this show influences several generations and not just that of the “marriage age”. So I pray that all the people associated with this program will keep this show going for the sake of all the generations that need counseling because their parents have deprived them of it, or those who need a true role model that acts based on their beliefs and is not hypocritical. Well in conclusion, EVERYONE who needs marital guidence needs to watch this show. It will change your life.

  16. Robert R. says:

    I watched your show last night and loved it… I pastor a church and I have been preaching this same messaged since the beginning of the year. Happiness is all about YOU! It is selfishness – our relationship with God and everything we do as a Christian is about the King! I believe that too many people spend (waste) alot of time trying to live up to a false standard of what marriage is. Reality – marriage will have great times and horrible times, fun times and sad times. It is called life and as humans we deal with it one day at a time. The Word of God tells us to not worry about tomorrow just live today as if it is your last day. LIVE – LAUGH – LOVE… Often times we get upset over petty problems that probably do not even relate to us and our getting upset will NOT change the outcome and now we have expended a vast amount of energy and time for nothing. The Apostle Paul said I think my self happy! He did not say I do this and that to please everyone so that I can be happy. Whatsoever things be true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of a good report, if there is any virtue and praise – think on these things. Focusing on the Word of God and your relationship with Jesus will bring you joy and happiness! Blessings!

  17. Edith W kimani says:

    Edith Kimani
    20 july 2009 11:20pm
    I happened to watch your show and and have been blessed. i have a daughter who is 25 years we have been having problems since the father of her child cam back to her life.The child turned 3 years this month am chirstian and have talked several time with her she wants to get married to the father of her child who was once saved but backslided he went to jail for some fraud he committed in his former work jailed for almost 2years when my daughter got pregnant he rejected the pregnency He got jailed for 2 years and came a different person he came last year with a certain pastor to my place to ask for forgivenes which was good move.We forgave him even after all that we went through with our girl.Now they are staying together we have talked to them both so that he can bring his parents and he has keep saying he will introduce us so that we can bless them later on they can marry in a church wedding. we allowed him to came and be seeing the child but not for our daughter to go spend at his place before he has bought his parents. He wants to add his name in the birth notification is this Whenever i want to meet him so that we discuss he doesnt want to. IS THIS MAN SERIOUS OR HE JUST WANT TO JUST SPOIL HER FUTURE. PLEASE ADVICE THIS THIS TOTAL REBELLION.

  18. Amanda Prebbel says:

    An episode aired on July 21 on channel 38-2 from Fort Wayne, IN. I can’t find the episode on your website. It was about why good men go bad. and why women need to be confident. i would love to share this episode w/ my fiance. Please let me know how I can find this episode again.

    Thanks,
    Amanda Prebble
    260-409-6276
    winks611@yahoo.om

  19. I thought your conversation on happiness was meaningful and true.
    Happiness goes when sorrow comes but joy is not the oposite of sorrow. Joy is the oposite of unbelief.

    Faith and joy are twins. Look at Rom.15:13, 2Cor.1:24 & 1Pet.1:8. Joy and belief are found together in each verse.
    You and your lovely co-host do a great job!

  20. Theresa Owen says:

    As the mother of two sons, and a teacher, I am concerned with the “American Princess” taking over our culture. We are not raising our girls to be wives, but to be princesses and/or prostitutes. I can’t think of a girl today who is taught to cook or clean or be a support system to her family. I do see young girls dressed as tramps, taught that they “deserve” everything they want.

    Being independent as a woman is very important and everyone should have the ability to take care of themselves as adults, but where are we learning to be part of a bigger unit? Home economics are no longer taught, but many girls begin weekly visits to the beauty parlor for nails and hair in middle school. There is plenty of talk in the media about how to “marry a millionaire,” which shows women fight each other to seduce one man while he just takes what he can get. Faith, manners, culture, education, none of these qualities are even mentioned.

    Please consider a show about the “American Princess.”

  21. Celeste Ross says:

    Hey i have just started veiwing your awsom show and i gotta tell ya a half hour just isnt enough…by the way i love your show.

    sign celeste

  22. su burke says:

    You totally got it re multitaskers v. single taskers BUT me and my man reverse your stereotype . Does this make me a man? Confused of Wales

  23. Debbriel says:

    We just got satelite this summer and so some of the channels are new to us. my husband like comedy and we seen the title of the show was laught your way? any way we watched. I have a friend who is separated from her husband. Her whole thinking is God wants me to be happy. I can tell you that is not true. It took my husband and I about 10 yrs until I stopped thinking that we were going to get divorced. We haven’t but our fights were so bad I thought we were going to. BUt I wasn’t happy but I did not get out because I was not happy. And My husband who has alot to put up with did not skip out either. In those first 10 yrs we were not happy but we stuck with it and now we are.

  24. As the Author of the Book, “Whoso Findeth A Wife–What it REALLY Means”, I’d like to comment on the question that I heard asked on your show, “Where do you find all the good men”? Many women have the idea that it’s somehow “wrong” or “out of place” for them to be aggressive in finding or approaching a man. As Mark used the example of “going fishing, if you want fish”; I’d like to say, “go to where the good men are, to find good men”. More specifically, I’d say, “Go to where the good men are; so that they can find you”. That’s exactly what Ruth did! She aggressively went to the FIELD where she knew that the man (Boaz) would be. No doubt, she probably groomed herself so that she would STAND OUT from the others that were there. Once there, she positioned herself to let Boaz find her. Today’s woman can groom herself in the “Blessing” of being the helpmeet that God made her to be (Genesis 2:18, and 1:28, go into the field (church, workplace, business, etc.) and let her Boaz find her. Notice also that she STILL managed to let Boaz think that HE was the one in control of this whole scenario!

  25. austin says:

    im happy about god. i love god that that makes me happy all the time.

  26. Carolyn Page says:

    Mark I really love your show,especially the episode about self gratification (happiness). I was married 34 years, now a divorcee, to a man I thought of as the love of my life, in retrospect, I think I even had him on a pedestal. We married very young, I was 18 and he was 19 years of age. We dated for a year and a half, still young love,but on one of my visits from college we had the serious talk, (marriage), he thought we would loose touch with one another since I was in college he was entering the military. Of course I boo hood and I stopped my first year of college to marry him. Life seemed to be fine, we experienced what I conceive as the normal ups and downs of a marriage, but seemed quite happy. We conceived our first child on the wedding night, which started an immediate family and didn’t allow time for us to really learn each other as a couple. After that we didn’t conceive until 3 years later after I re-entered college, then we had three other children in the space of a year and two years apart.
    Life went on, at the age of 38 my husband started saying things like I’m not happy, he started having problems sleeping at night. I failed to mention that we were a christian family and my husband became a minister about 10 or 12 years into the marriage.
    But after that first annoucement of him not being happy, little suttle things started happening with him emotionally. If we had a disagreement, he would say I don’t know if I love you anymore. I would take it as he was only upset and would try to change the things he complained about. As time went pass, he was very discontent with his job and wanted to quit,he eventually retired, then he was discontent with church he would find reasons not to attend although he did experience a serious church, hurt. We went to another church, where he eventually found something to complain about there as well. Then he bought rental properties, which he spent weekends working on them, and missed church. Then he started saying, our family was dysfunctional, mind you, we had wonderful children, all on the honor roll, active in church and school and for the most, obedient children.
    Later in the marriage, one of our children passed, a traumatic time in our lives. We never went to conseling or really discussed our child’s death, it was quite painful.
    Then about four year later, my step dad past, whom he had a close connection, then my biological dad past the same year, and his mom past the beginning of the next year.
    This really brought on eight years of the dissenegration of our family.
    He started an affair to which I didn’t find out until two years later, he developed prostate cancer a year into the affair. I was running back and forth to the hospital taking care of him, even when he came home, I changed him, made sure he was comfortable, didn’t know anything about the affair, although little thoughts would pop up, but I would immediately crush them, because I thought never in a million years would he cheat on me. At this time I was back in school because my job had mandated us to get a degree or be demoted. Needless to say this gave him plenty of time and space to carry out this affair. But one day God told me to stop studying and go see about my husband, I argued with the Lord but went anyway,and thats when
    I found him with his mistress, who was also married, in one of our rental properties, which devasted my life, my heart dropped to my feet and splattered on the floor. He of course denied the facts staring me in my face. To make a longer story short. This carried on for a total of eight years that I know of; and to tell a funny story,funny now, but not at the time; one day after the many times of forgivening him time after time, and doing conseling, I came home from work, because I had found out yet another time he was still seeing this woman. I had came home at lunch time and was crying my heart out on the couch and he said, Oh so caringly, “What’s wrong” I replied, “Why are you doing this to me” he replied, “I’m not doing anything to you, you’re doing it to yourself, can you amagine how I felt.
    After a number of times of going back and forth, kicking him out, him coming back, only to start again. I finally divorced him, if I hadn’t I thought I would loose my mind, and my family would be visiting me in the mental ward and I would have no clue who they were. I also prayed and studied the word a lot and felt as though God released me to let him go. I thought maybe time to himself, he would be like the prodical son and come to himself. After the divorce the other woman dumped him. It’s been almost three year now, and we never really stopped talking to one another, he wouldn’t let that happen, but I was distant.
    Now after I worked thru some hard forgiveness praying and fasting. God has released the hurt. He now is trying to develop a relationship again with me, but I’m truly not sure what I want. I’ve had opportunities to date others, but the dating scene is Not for me and I don’t want to play games with anyone, not even my X. I keep waiting on him to return to God and develop a relationship with him before I even let myself think of getting back with him, although we see and talk to one another occassionally and went to a movie.
    I’m not sure how to pose a question as I’m not sure how I even feel about him, other than trully wanting his soul saved first, and then maybe look at a relation, but I trully don’t want to rush anything or stand in the way of God doing his perfect will. This as really been a time of spiritual growth for me and I don’t want to step out of God’s will either. What do you think?

  27. soulscater says:

    I find this conversation very disturbing… particularly the writer who said her daughter in law, who waited til she was ready to have kids, was selfish. What on earth is wrong with waiting until you are ready? It is plain when watching nearly every news cast that not everyone is meant to be a parent. I personally have no desire to be a mother and therefore I SHOULD NOT have kids. There are few things more painful to a child than being unwanted, I know this because my mother was unselfish and had me and made it plain to me, often, how much she regretted it. I think it’s selfish to bring a child into the world simply so that you can find into the norm, without the desire to love and nuture a new life.

    What’s worse being “selfish” and not having a family or hurting one of these precious ones who are basically on loan to us from God? Abuse is more hereditary than heart disease. Even if I wanted kids, I’d think long and hard about taking that risk because I remember they don’t ask to be born. They certainly don’t ask to be abused and neglected. It happens all too often because people who aren’t ready or willing to be parents have kids. Parenthood is a choice that requires a lot to do it well. Not everyone is capable. I am not. Knowing that doesn’t make me selfish or immature.

  28. Joshua1980 says:

    So, I will be a little out of the trend here, one Question, Is court wedding considered as true wedding or Marriage?

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