Stinking Thinking

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If I Stay, He Will Change

Well, today’s subject is kind of a hot-topic subject, and I’m gonna really need for you to pay attention to what we’re saying. What we’re going to talk about today is going to sound, in many ways, like it totally contradicts everything we’ve told you to date about your relationships. This has to do with what happens if you’re in a relationship with someone who’s behaving really, really badly. This can be either male or female, but generally speaking, it’s when men behave extremely badly, and women don’t know what to do.

Now I am stunned as I go to counseling sessions, and women come in and start sharing with me stories of how their husbands behave in outrageous ways. They come to me and say, “what should I do? I don’t know what do to.” A lady will come to me and say her husband will be out until 2:00 and 3:00 in the morning every night, getting drunk and coming in whenever he feels like it. She’ll ask me “what should I do? what should I do?” I had one lady come and say “my husband, he just spent the last weekend with an old girlfriend. They were just cuddling on the couch all day. They didn’t have sex, they were just cuddling. What should I do?”

Honestly, I started thinking, “what in the world is going on?” One of these sessions that I walked out, my wife was there. I walked up to her, kind of confused a little bit. I said, “what is it about this situation? Why don’t I act like those guys that are doing these outrageous things?” And she said, “because you’re a good man,” and I said, “no. No.” She said, “well, why don’t you?” I said, “because you’d kill me.” She thought for a minute, and she says, “yes, I would.” We started thinking about it, and really, we went down the list of every couple that we knew that had a good marriage, and not in a million years would any of those women ever tolerate this kind of behavior from their husbands. Not a one. And you know, they wouldn’t be going around saying, “what should I do? what should I do?” They just wouldn’t put up with it.

I had one lady come up to me, she set up a counseling appointment and comes in, and I said, “what’s the problem?” She says, “well pastor, I found on the Internet where my husband had taken pictures of his genitalia and emailed them to another woman. What should I do?” I thought to myself, you know, my wife would never ask that question, “what should I do?” She’d say, “you’d better hang on to that picture, ’cause that’s the last time you’re gonna see your genitalia.”

The reality is this – and we’re going to discuss it on today’s show, and again, this will mess with a lot of your heads, but just stay focused and follow as best you can. One of the main reasons men act this way is because they can.

Comments About This Clip

31 Responses to “If I Stay, He Will Change”

  1. Linda says:

    Okay, well I’m really bummed that I can not see this episode because I would really like to know the answer. This clip is totally about me and what I did is stay mainly for the kids and because I do love him. Now I’m at a different place and I’ve told him to leave because I have had enough. He still hasn’t left as if I am going to change my mind or get over it which I never have because it continues to happen. I know it’s what he is use to because in the past we would brush it under the rug and move on. I’m at the end of my rope and just want more input on when is enough enough. I’m hoping that a separation will wake him up or finally make me realize that he is never going to change and our marriage is over.

    • Johnny says:

      Linda:
      I felt to give ya some input –and trust that it communicates to you that Wisdom Must Dictate!

      Staying mainly -but Too Negatively for the kids does more harm (overall)than any good. They are indeed infected by that direction ya put your energy towards. It’s Far Better to put your strength and courage into the direction where it’s zeroed on husband-wife resolve -or Dissolve if can’t, and/or if there’s no proof of sincerity in Definite Change in behavior! The such preceeding initially needs to begin in a Christian Pastor’s or Relational Professional’s office. This step establishes you love & respect yourself enough along with proof enough you value your marriage too -but also won’t have a marriage that tolerates adultery! This step clearly communicates to him reason to Stop it -or the marriage WILL end -Period! -And God-Validated too, not in His Perfect will, but Acceptable in His Permissive Will when a marriage is continually being violated and is more likely to continue!

      Re. “enough” -you have far exceeded that point!
      Re. “separation” -establish it in your 1st counselor’s appointment if your husband needs a Stronger Message that
      you “this time” mean business! ……And if ya suspect he may need a Deafening Clarity -have his suitcase packed and your’s too -communicating one of yas is definitely not going to your residence. It’s no longer “home” for you 2 -and won’t be -unless he is transformed in Jesus, into a man that both contributes & cements his part that makes a dwelling “home!!” Re. your marriage afterwards, Pray for God’s Best -and you’ll know what the unfoldings is revealing as God’s Direction that’s Best overall for all involved -either to restore or close its door!!
      Note: A More Quality Oneness IN Jesus can’t remotely happen unless both mates have Jesus as Lord -and of one’s marriage too!!
      Having God’s Best -your kids will also overall have God’s Best too!! GLORY!!!
      God Bless Ya With His Best Guidance

      • Linda says:

        Thanks you so much Johnny,
        In my heart I know that having God as part of my marriage is truth and so important but is difficult with a non-Christian. I guess going into this marriage I felt that I had enough faith for the both of us. My reality is that I’ve been fighting the Devil by myself against my husbands pornography addiction and adultery. I continue to pray for his conversion and deliverance from his addiction but at the same time I’ve tired. I am definitely taking your advise to heart and ready to be strong. Again thank you for your reply and your time.

        God bless you and your ministry.

  2. Kelly says:

    Thank you for being candid. So then do you mean it is ok to leave when time after time a man acts outrageously.

  3. Dorothy says:

    Hi, i’ve been married for 6.5 yrsand for 5of those problem after problem.From my kids to people in my past.Like excluding everyone because I have him now.My kids are bad and disrespectful and I did a ******up job raising them.They are too grown,they don’t like me,they are going to beat me up one day and much more are being said to me.I try to fix things but it always ends up worse than before.Our sex life is null@void.I try but be pushed away,or an arguement starts that lasts weeks on end.It even gets to me asking to have sex w/my husband.And plenty other stuff.I’m selfish I care about others and not them.He wants to be loved the way he wants too.Thing from the past is always thrown in the picture over and over.

    • Johnny says:

      Dorothy:

      Your entry conveys a House of Abuse -and as described, you are NOT qualified to “fix” it!

      Note: when Assertively Loving Oneself will always be protested by ones who don’t have your Best Interest at heart -equally as much as themselves. They undermine -berate +attack what is NOT selfish -but what is Appropriate and Rightful and in keeping w/ Wise and Healthy “Self-Loving & Self-Responsibility” too!!

      What is the Past is also in Jesus’ Forgiveness -and human forgiveness must be towards one deeper on the emotional level -for if just in words -it is not a Complete Forgiveness of which is why one’s past mistakes is thrown into one’s face being its due to unresolved anger that’s left to ever-fester and to latch out at any slight provoking!! ….And its boiling can/will explode into violence even by one’s own loved ones too!!!

      I’m no alarmist -but I do know what a trip-wire to a bomb is and its illustration in application to worsening abuse!!

      Take your kids’ verbal threats Seriously in that it conveys definitely your kids’ “acting out” what needs Jesus’ healing and resultant wholeness related! Until this happens be alerted: even your presence can ignite such building raging -no different than a small kindling thrown into an eased fire (in a fireplace w/ very hot but non-flaming embers) to Fast-Flare it up! That small kindling illustrates You as a small irritant -to suddenly explode one harboring almost intolerable intensing fury!!!

      Also your past was then -and your Present is NOW -ya may have made many mistakes then -but now ya do better knowing Jesus totally forgives you –and frees you from your related regrets too! Ya have a new start every day to do different and better according to the amount of “light” ya have in any given area. Those who don’t embrace this premise will only begrudge and lock ya in your past –but Jesus has the “key” -and though their not free from the related baggage and still controlled by all of it -in
      their non-forgiveness ….it’s not your’s to carry -You’re Free -GLORY!!!

      Re.your “try & pushed away and/or argument residues week(s)
      This much aludes to the fact when one doesn’t feel justified with another’s love -their guilt will drive one to Push Away the other -to once accomplished then feels better! Yes, Drives Away what one wants So Much!!
      VIP: Re. love -people don’t only want love -but love in HOW they need it given!

      God Bless Ya & Your household HOW He’d Have It herefrom!

  4. Dorothy says:

    Sorry, just needed some type of guidence. someone to help me that’s all.

  5. Brandi Stidham says:

    True True True

  6. Johnny says:

    Why are ya a week behind in your posting? People were responding to this program in last week’s “Comments” -pending for its related show to had post shortly afterwards. …It’s this way in the Pacific Time Zone.

  7. Johnny says:

    Ooops! Please disregard my 3:45 PM comment. …..
    I just noticed there was 2 Programs that did not post: July 16 and the 9th. People was responding 2 Weeks ago to what aired on July 23 -but did not post throughout the entire week. Do note in its pending others were posting related notes too! Then on July 30 instead of the “Bad Men–Strong Woman Needed” program Posting; it was the “Honest w/ Feelings” following w/ this weeks “Stay & Change” one. …..Why the “skipping of posting “aired” programs?!!
    Note: the “Bad Men’s Behavior-Needing Strong Woman’s Protest” effected some Real Intense reaction -but due to Misunderstanding its program’s initial contents!
    VIP: Please post this missing Posting w/ Mark’s full introduction -for NEEDED clarity & Fury-Lessening purposes. Then when I see its post I’d like to send in my related comments -to serve better then.
    Thanks & God Bless!!!

    • Andrew says:

      Sorry for the confusion, not all stations are airing the shows at the same time. The clips from the final two episodes of season one will be up online in the next two weeks.

      • Johnny says:

        Hi Andrew!

        Thanks for your response. I’ll be looking for both of the clips when designated to post.

        I have 2 comments to post particularly on one of the 2 clips you’ll be posting. Are you able to contact by email the 2 people to alert them to the posts I have for them upon your posting the clip -that they both commented on?

        They are Toni and Lynn. I believe my content was via the Holy Spirit as He directed my thoughts.

        Please Respond & Thanks & God Bless!!!

        • Johnny says:

          Hi Andrew:

          I haven’t yet received your reply to my Aug.18–3:44AM entry -referring to Paragraphs 2 & 3.

          Please reply accordingly sometime today BEFORE your program airs tonight.

          Thanks & God Bless!

  8. Paula says:

    I wish I could have viewed the whole episode and not just the opening discussion. This is the first that I’ve been told to do these things as a Christian wife. It’s beat into our heads to “submit” to our husbands in all things and allow him to rule the roost so therein lies my problem. My husband is not leading our household in any way, shape or form but complains constantly about how I do the things that he refuses to do. This really isn’t the main problem though and not what I’m seeking advice on.

    My husband professes to be a christian but that’s about where it ends. He has made improvements on praying and he’s initiated a few bible studies but he doesn’t read the bible at all and he doesn’t live his life as a christian. He is extremely mean to me and our children. The majority of his time spent at home is either zoned out in front of the tv, playstation or computer and when he’s not there, he’s yelling at someone, criticizing me or just being rude and hateful. We have six children and a nephew that we are taking care of and I see my kids behaving like him. They handle any stress/problem/frustration the same way that he does- blow up, call names and act like a child. He’s went on more than once for a good fifteen minutes, screaming and cussing and calling me names because I forgot to buy him hotsauce at the store.

    I feel like I’m beating my head off of a wall because I’ve tried everything I can think of- screaming at him and forcing him to stop, confronting him directly when he does this to the kids, the silent treatment, talking, and on and on and NOTHING is working. He’ll blame it on ADHD or his upbringing or that there’s “something wrong” with him and promise to change but NOTHING happens and if anything does change, it’s extremely temporary and goes right back to the same thing.

    I’m at the point where I just don’t care anymore. For awhile now, I’m just avoiding him and ignoring him as much as possible. I’m sleeping on the couch and I absolutely dread when he comes home and I can see the kids mood change when he walks in the door as well. I’m committed to staying in this marriage because I don’t think divorce is justified in God’s eyes but I’m just “dealing” with it.

    Are there any suggestions? You say to not put up with it and that if he can do it, he will but What should I do? It’s a valid question when you don’t know the answer.

    • Paula says:

      I wanted to add that I’m in no way a “weak” woman. I am not timid or afraid to stand up for myself. My husband knows this, a few weeks ago he made the comment that he hopes that none of our daughters end up with someone like him. When I asked why it was ok for his wife to deal with someone like him he said, “Because your strong enough to handle it, our daughters aren’t”.

      Before I gave my life to Christ I went toe to toe with grown men, physical fights- and held my own. I’ve never been afraid of anyone and I’ve never been a doormat so this message is really confusing to me because I’m not that weak little woman afraid to do what needs to be done.

  9. Linda says:

    Ladies, I am heartbroken over what I have just read. All this “standing up for OUR rights stuff HAS TO STOP!!! You are ONE FLESH with your husbands. If you attack him YOU ATTACK YOURSELF AND DIVIDE YOUR OWN FLESH. I suggest you spend time in the Word looking up every reference to wife and godly woman and see what it says to do. REALLY research the words here looking them up in the Hebrew and Greek. Then ask yourself: Are YOU acting like a godly women, chaste, gentle, kind, etc. Women are quick to go to the verse in Peter that says that men are to treat their wives like precious earthen vessles (basically a ming vase). But let me as you, do you take care of yourself so you look like, act and feel like a ming vase? If I had a Ming Vase I’d want to display it, take care of it and show it off. Are you worth that? Do you have an inner beauty that wins hearts and causes people to say you are BEAUTIFUL (even if you’re far from the latest beauty queen ideal)?

    Also ask yourself: Are you inviting the treatment by your own actions? I’ve heard many an abused woman cry to me all about the abuse then I hear the way they talk to their husbands and I think, “whew! Well, you asked for that.” I’m not saying it’s right, but look at the log in your own eye before you start griping about THE OTHER HALF OF YOUR FLESH.

    Below is part of a letter that I wrote to another person about my beliefs on marriage. It is Scripture. I’d like to see all the comments above be LADEN with Scripture. WHAT DOES SCRIPTURE SAY? Not, what does the court or our state law say; not what feels good; not what does your denomination say. Look at the Bible and see what IT says. FOLLOW what The Bible says, not your girlfriends, your pastor, or the world. FOLLOW WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS. And PLEASE don’t tell me that things are different today. The Bible says that there is nothing new under the sun. I choose to believe the Bible.

    And, ladies, try to train up your children to have resepct for their father – even if he doesn’t deserve it. You want your children to have long lives, don’t you? That only comes from honoring the father AND mother. Train them by your WORDS, ACTIONS and teachings. How will they ever learn to respect horrible bosses or civil authorities or spouses if you don’t teach them?

    So here are a few verses to start your Scripture search:

    RO 7:2-3 “For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.”

    I COR 7:10-11; 39-40 “And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God.”

    § Here Paul is talking to the Corinthians (Gentiles) – not Jews – and reiterates that a woman who is divorced has two choices (1) to remain single, and (2) to be reconciled to her husband.
    § In vv 39-40 Paul states that a woman is bound to her husband until he dies. Not until divorce, but until he DIES.

    I PE 3:1-6 “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.”

    § Women are to stay married to and submissive to their husbands even when they do not obey the Word – and EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT SAVED. They are to trust the LORD to deal with the husbands.

    If your spouse is truly terrible and abusive I suggest you cry out to the Lord. Trust in Him to take care of you. Read Ps 91 where it says that He has built a SHIELD AROUND you. Rest in that. You have a shield IF you do the things that allow the shield to be built. It is my complete and full belief that if your husband is a reprobate, the Lord will take care of you and take him out of your life – if you have done your part.

    I know this sounds harsh, but the time is short and we need to be found faithful when we come before the Lord. Let us not grow weary in WELL DOING, for in DUE SEASON we will reap IF we faint not.

    May the Holy Spirit reveal the truth to you all.

  10. Shirley says:

    Okay, I just came across this website after watching one of the Mark Gungor’s series on tv. I normally never blog on the internet, but “Linda”‘s comment on 9/23 totally outraged me. It is “typical” for other women to be judgmental and self-righteous of someone else’s marriage and not be able to understand the agony and inner conflict an abused woman experiences when trying to live a christian life and KNOWING that something is deeply wrong when they are being mistreated. I want to say, “how dare you Linda” for lecturing other women and even suggesting they “invite” their abuse, isn’t that victimizing the victim? And good grief, you even promote society’s brain washing that if a woman doesn’t “take care of herself” and act and look like a “ming vase,” that somehow it is their own faults for having bad husbands??? Without knowing some of the extreme situations some women are trying to tolerate within their marriages, I hope there isn’t some gal out there that’s going to continue to be physically and emotionally abused based on your advice. I believe Mr. Gungor’s topic was that wives should be faithful and love their husbands -but- NOT have to tolerate bad behavior when their husbands are not living according to God’s rule. You can love, forgive and want to save your marriage, but that does not mean you have to LIVE with a lousy jerk under cruel conditions. I believe in a God that grieves for women that are yoked to ungodly men. Again, your advice puts all the responsbility, blame and unrealistic control on the woman. I was an emotionally abused wife for 18 years to a critical self-serving husband that had multiple affairs throughout our marriage. And I beat myself up spiritually and emotionally for years thinking if only I was prettier, skinnier, younger, and more submissively saintly that maybe I could keep my husband at home. It was women like you that kept on putting the burden on me, stating if “only” I tried to be a better christian wife, I could change him. Well, men do not change unless THEY want to. And maybe God wants to speak to their hearts, but if they have turned their backs on God, people have free will and God will not stop them from their sins. My husband ended up leaving me for another woman after years of allowing him to treat me like a doormat and not giving him any consequences to his actions. It was only after my divorce that I found out there IS a difference between forgiveness and BOUNDARIES, and as a christian wife, I could say NO to unjust behavior. Standing up for your rights as a woman and as a human being is not unchristian. You can say, “I love you, but I will not tolerate being treated this way.” It has been 5 years now that I have been single, and I am finally starting to know what real love is through Jesus and feeling the freedom from the chains of years of unhappiness. I might add, that all those christian women that were providing their marriage advice to me back then, dropped me like a stone after the divorce because I was then not part of their club and was now labeled “single.”

  11. Sue says:

    Like Paula said I to wish I could have viewed the whole episode and not just the opening discussion. I’ve was raised in Church and so was my husband.
    We have been married for almost 21 years, over the years we have always had our ups and downs just like other married couples, but six months ago he desided our marriage was over and started a relationship with another women who claimed to be a christian. This went on for about a little over a month before I found out then he still continued to call and go see her for the next to weeks. At the end of the two weeks he told me that something was telling him to give me a chance to change my attitude and give our marriage a chance.
    God was telling me through this that i needed to work things out with my husband he had never done anything like this before, but he doesn’t think what he did was wrong, he is not sorry for cheating on me beacause I was mean to him and had said hurtful things (which I did before I gave my life back to the Lord). I have told him over and over how sorry I am for everything that I have done, but he will only say he is sorry for hurting my feallngs but he is not sorry for having an affair.
    Is this normal behavier for men? Will I ever be able to trust him? Can your marriage be stronger after an affair?

    • Shirley says:

      First of all, no so-called real christian woman goes around sleeping with another woman’s husband EVER, so you can ease your mind that God would not in a million years condone such action and that woman is nothing more than a homewrecker.
      And unfortunately this is typical behavior of men – it sounds like your husband is playing the emotional blackmail game by transferring his sinful choices and lack of committment onto you. He is doing a power-play – to say he is going to give YOU a chance? It definitely should be the other way around. It does not matter if you were the meanest person in the world towards him- bottom line that your husband’s choice of having an affair is HIS SIN, not yours. There’s a thing called integrity and for him to come back to you and state he is “not” sorry for his affair, shows he has no remorse, thinks he did nothing wrong (that means there’s a good chance that he WILL do it again) and will rationalize with himself to escape from the marriage everytime he doesn’t feel like you are “acting nice.” That places alot of guilt, worry and burden on you, while he gets off guilt-free from consequence and responsibility.
      I speak from experience, my exhusband did the exact same thing to me and because I did not put my foot down and demand he take responsibility from the beginning, it only got worse. His one affair became several, and since he is a firefighter had access to tons of single ER nurses I ended up with no self esteem, no self worth, paranoid everytime he spoke to another woman, and all the time he told me it was all MY FAULT for him having no self-control in his womanizing ways to keep his pants on. I could tell you horrid stories of the humiliation I endured in the name of saving my marriage. I feel for you and your situation, and everyone needs to search themselves to see how their actions can improve to make better spouses. But even while you are working things out within yourself and God, that NEVER EVER justifies a husband to cheat on his wife. You may have said hurtful words, but he brought another person into your marriage bed. Trust has to be rebuilt, you can forgive him, but he needs to EARN trust. That means he needs to get rid of the other woman completely, if she’s a member of your church – you need to change churches. And don’t allow him to protect her identity, that is placing the other woman as more important than you and only says he cares more about her welfare than yours (plus you need to know where he met her so you are not unknowingly bumping into her or allowing him to be in the same circle of friends and inviting her to your home) Demand he go to marriage counseling immediately and get involved in a strong christian men’s group that will keep him actively accountable. Don’t be scared (and I know its a very frightening thing) to remove him from your household if he refuses to change his actions. And get a STD test for your own safety, you never know what he brought home. A man that is TRULY wanting to save his marriage will not only be remorseful, humble and willing to take account of his actions, but should be willing enough to stand up in front of the entire church congregation if necessary and tell the world he did wrong. Don’t let that man make you feel guilty for HIS affair.

      • Sue says:

        Thanks Shirley

        She does not attend my church, my husband will not go to church with me. We own a company that we run from our home and have since we got married.
        This women was a client that we did a job for her once a year for 9 years. He would always tell me if something happened to us he would ask her out.
        I would not know her if I would have seen her, but she gets her hair cut and the same shop that our daughter works at. She was in the shop the other day and my daughter called me to tell me she was down there, so I went to see her for myself.
        When I got home I told my husband what I had done and he didn’t believe me. I told him I was telling the truth and it sounded like she had found someone else (seeing that her and the girl cutting her hair was talking very loud)he had the nerve to ask me if I felt better knowing that she had found someone else, I told him I didn’t care about her feelings only the way that he felt.
        I’m not sure how he really felt about her, but he told me that she told him she loved him, and when he told her that he wanted to work things out with me, she called the next day and told him it wasn’t over for her and that she would wait on him. He did call her a month after he broke things off (I found out that he did this 2 months after he did it) he told me he was still confused.

        I did go to the doctor after I found out and he had broke things off with her to make sure I didn’t have anything.
        This was not her first rodeo she had broke off atleast one other marriage. What do you say to people like that?
        The Lord says to pray for your enemys so I do and he also says to forgive them. I called her, she didn’t answer so I left a message that I forgave her for everything she had done. I know I’m probably not handling things right but I felt that was what God wanted me to do.

  12. Denise says:

    I did not see the episode either, but came across this website. I have been married 10 years, but have been saved for only 5. When I met and married this man, I was not saved. I drank and partied with him…did all kinds of lewd behavior and such. He was used to that woman. When I got saved 5 years ago…it was like he came home and was now living with a different woman. No more drinking, going out, letting him hang with other women and me with other men…no more porno watching. I totally changed…I was now in love with Jesus…and at first, he thought it was just a phase…but 5 years later, I am still here growing in God and as I am convicted of things…I guess more and more changes in me are made. He is angry and bitter over this alot of the time. I tell him how much I love him and want to be a good wife, but I will never be the kind of wife he used to know. My husband is an alcoholic, and I have set up bouderies, but he continues to go out and drink. We have an 8 year old son together who worships his dad.He is not alowed to be drunk around our son, or have alcohol in the house. Our son is picking up so many behaviors from him. I pray all the time about it and trust that God is working behind the scenes. I teach our child Gods Word and bring him to Sunday school (only if my husband hasn’t grabbed him early Sunday morning to take him hunting or fishing). My son used to love church when I first got saved, but now he doesn’t want to go because daddy doesn’t go, and he gets annoyed with me when I speak about God…he says he wants to be like dad….how old does he have to be to drink beer, ect.
    His father and I are constantly butting heads on things about our son. He teaches him its ok to do wrong things, he teaches him its ok to look at a woman with lust.
    I always approach the situation in prayer and in a loving but firm way, but my husband just says, just because you wanted to change, doesn’t mean I or our son has to. He thinks I am trying to brainwash our son. Asking for any suggestions or anyone who has been or going through this to respond.

  13. gad says:

    hi denise
    am sorry for what you are undergoing and i can only imagine. am writing this from nairobi kenya and all i can tell you is that Jehovah God is faithful and just, dont tire doing good, Gods timing is always the best, He is never late or early. just like what He did to you (your salvation) He will truely save your hubby and son, trust in Him, He rewords those who deligently seek after him. faith is the key… keep seeking Him and he will never leave you nor forsake you.

  14. Debra says:

    Dear Denise:

    Hello from Washington state when you read this I hope things are better for you and your family. I went to a domestic violence support group and decided to end my marriage but it took me years to make this decision. After being divorced and separated my ex-husband and I can actually talk without fighting. Keep praying for your husband and children I pray for mine. Even though I am divorced I still feel married. Been married too long. Stand your ground and take back your family pray and read God’s promises every where you walk welcome God’s presence and will. Pray in tongues are you Pentecostal?

  15. Faith says:

    Hello Mark,

    I have been married 12 years, and I married at age 18 to a man 9 years older then me. We have been in and out of counseling for his addiction to porn. I currently am legally separated from him due to out last confritation about me finding it again on his computer became physical.
    We have two amzing kids under the age of 7 and I am trying to work it out, but he has choosen not to make any counseling sessions, and has canceled two of our mediations. I am trying to reconcile, but he is not giving me any choices to make things work if he doesn’t even show up. I am not willing ot put up with this sin anymore, especially because we have kids. He is unwilling to do anything to get rid of it, and wants me to take action if I have a problem with it. What advise to you have for me, because I am really struggling with just filing for divorce while I am seeking Gods will.

    Blessings,

  16. hurtfulintexas says:

    Hi, I have been having marital problems. We have been together 25 years and married 22 years. We have five children ages 25,23,15.14,11.Last year my husband had a emotional or affair with a female co.worker. My husband told me we was done. I was shocked. Anyway I have learned allot this past year. after three weeks my husband told me he loves me and wants our marriage to stay strong. we live in a small town (his home town) where everyone knows who you are. This past Sept. in our home town festival my husband and I was working at a booth with my mom and my husbands female co.worker showed up and started talking to my husband. They talked while I was working. They acted like I was not there. I got up set and walked away. My daughter came after me. I told my daughter that I felt up set and that I felt like it was being thrown in my face. She said I know mom. So I left and went home. My daughter walked over to the female co.worker and asked her where is your kids and husband? She said at home. My daughter said well you should be home too. My husband laughed thinking it was a joke. It was not a joke. Then after my husbands female co. worker left my husband said where is your mother? Our daughter said she went home. So he cane home and said what did I do? I said you know. He said what _________(her name) and I said yes. How dare you. He said I did not ask her to come. I said you did not ask her to leave. I said you must be stupid because she likes you. He said what are you talking about? I said she sees you 5 times a week at work and she had no reason to come see you here. He said he got it. I told him I want to move and start a new life in a new town away from here and I have been telling you this for 8 months and nothing has changed. I need to find my peace. I told him I will do this with or without you. I said I love you but I don’t want to be here in this town and if your job and friends are worth what we have then I will move without you. He was shocked. I do feel bad about asking him to quit his job when he only has 15 years to retirement but I have dealt with to much in this town. I told him I would rather live poor that to feel the way I do. Then last friday he was playing around with our youngest son. joking him about a girlfriend and oops what happened he said his female co. workers name. I got up set. He said please don’t take it like that. He said he was sorry. I said okay but how strange the first name that came out your mouth was her name. I just felt like if her name was the first name out of his mouth was her name he must have been thinking about her. Maybe it meant nothing but to me it meant something. Am I selfish for wanting to move and asking him to quit his job? I feel like if we move we can get past this mess. We don’t believe in divorce and we don’t want one but I can’t let my husband keep walking over me.
    Please any advice would be great,
    God bless

  17. Judit says:

    It’s so good to see you have the same problem over the seas as we have here in the ‘old Europe’.
    I have four daughters, and my marriage ended 6 years ago. My husband left us after 17 years of suffering.
    In the last ten years of our marriage I learned how to love him and how to be happy in such a difficult circumtenses. I’ve learned that you have to love someone as you want to be loved. But I want to be loved sometimes this way, sometimes that way. We all change all the time!
    So sometimes you can express your love by leaving him alone. Or by being quiet. Or by serving him with supper in front of the TV. So I think this Bible verse doesn’t mean to love your husband by expressing what YOU want to be loved. But you have to understand your husband’s need and desire and serve it even if it is very-very difficult, because you don’t get any love from him!
    I’ve learned how to run to God when I NEED LOVE, and you know what!, HE LOVED ME! And He always loves me when I’m in need!
    Yes, I complained a lot in that 10 years. I had one or two very good fiends and I could call them any time to share my problems. Yes, I felt very lonely sometimes. Yes, I cried a lot. And I didn’t want to give up.
    But in the end I found a very deep and strong happiness with God. And my husband saw it. He didn’t understand it, but saw that he can’t do anything against it.
    Once he asked me not to love him because he didn’t do anything to be loved. But now he accepts my love.
    He hasn’t changed yet. But I believe the only thing what is able to change somebody is love. The unconditional love. What says: I love you even if you are so and so. I love you, just because I love you. You can’t do wrong and bad enough to stop my love towards you.
    Everybody say: it’s too hard!!!
    Yes, it is. More than too hard. But you can get much more than you can imagine! It’s true!
    Love to you all in the States from Hungary (sorry about my language)
    Judit

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