Comments on: If I Stay, He Will Change http://www.lovemarriageandstinkingthinking.com/stinking-thinking/if-i-stay-he-will-change/ Just another WordPress weblog Sun, 23 Oct 2011 21:55:45 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Judit http://www.lovemarriageandstinkingthinking.com/stinking-thinking/if-i-stay-he-will-change/comment-page-1/#comment-1897 Judit Sat, 20 Nov 2010 01:55:25 +0000 http://www.lovemarriageandstinkingthinking.com/?p=175#comment-1897 It's so good to see you have the same problem over the seas as we have here in the 'old Europe'. I have four daughters, and my marriage ended 6 years ago. My husband left us after 17 years of suffering. In the last ten years of our marriage I learned how to love him and how to be happy in such a difficult circumtenses. I've learned that you have to love someone as you want to be loved. But I want to be loved sometimes this way, sometimes that way. We all change all the time! So sometimes you can express your love by leaving him alone. Or by being quiet. Or by serving him with supper in front of the TV. So I think this Bible verse doesn't mean to love your husband by expressing what YOU want to be loved. But you have to understand your husband's need and desire and serve it even if it is very-very difficult, because you don't get any love from him! I've learned how to run to God when I NEED LOVE, and you know what!, HE LOVED ME! And He always loves me when I'm in need! Yes, I complained a lot in that 10 years. I had one or two very good fiends and I could call them any time to share my problems. Yes, I felt very lonely sometimes. Yes, I cried a lot. And I didn't want to give up. But in the end I found a very deep and strong happiness with God. And my husband saw it. He didn't understand it, but saw that he can't do anything against it. Once he asked me not to love him because he didn't do anything to be loved. But now he accepts my love. He hasn't changed yet. But I believe the only thing what is able to change somebody is love. The unconditional love. What says: I love you even if you are so and so. I love you, just because I love you. You can't do wrong and bad enough to stop my love towards you. Everybody say: it's too hard!!! Yes, it is. More than too hard. But you can get much more than you can imagine! It's true! Love to you all in the States from Hungary (sorry about my language) Judit It’s so good to see you have the same problem over the seas as we have here in the ‘old Europe’.
I have four daughters, and my marriage ended 6 years ago. My husband left us after 17 years of suffering.
In the last ten years of our marriage I learned how to love him and how to be happy in such a difficult circumtenses. I’ve learned that you have to love someone as you want to be loved. But I want to be loved sometimes this way, sometimes that way. We all change all the time!
So sometimes you can express your love by leaving him alone. Or by being quiet. Or by serving him with supper in front of the TV. So I think this Bible verse doesn’t mean to love your husband by expressing what YOU want to be loved. But you have to understand your husband’s need and desire and serve it even if it is very-very difficult, because you don’t get any love from him!
I’ve learned how to run to God when I NEED LOVE, and you know what!, HE LOVED ME! And He always loves me when I’m in need!
Yes, I complained a lot in that 10 years. I had one or two very good fiends and I could call them any time to share my problems. Yes, I felt very lonely sometimes. Yes, I cried a lot. And I didn’t want to give up.
But in the end I found a very deep and strong happiness with God. And my husband saw it. He didn’t understand it, but saw that he can’t do anything against it.
Once he asked me not to love him because he didn’t do anything to be loved. But now he accepts my love.
He hasn’t changed yet. But I believe the only thing what is able to change somebody is love. The unconditional love. What says: I love you even if you are so and so. I love you, just because I love you. You can’t do wrong and bad enough to stop my love towards you.
Everybody say: it’s too hard!!!
Yes, it is. More than too hard. But you can get much more than you can imagine! It’s true!
Love to you all in the States from Hungary (sorry about my language)
Judit

]]> By: Diane Brierley for Mark Gungor http://www.lovemarriageandstinkingthinking.com/stinking-thinking/if-i-stay-he-will-change/comment-page-1/#comment-1848 Diane Brierley for Mark Gungor Sun, 24 Oct 2010 12:26:48 +0000 http://www.lovemarriageandstinkingthinking.com/?p=175#comment-1848 Mark answers all questions through his radio show. Please forward your email to radio@laughyourway.com if you would like him to give advice on your particular situation and he will be happy to answer it. Blessings! Mark answers all questions through his radio show. Please forward your email to radio@laughyourway.com if you would like him to give advice on your particular situation and he will be happy to answer it.
Blessings!

]]> By: hurtfulintexas http://www.lovemarriageandstinkingthinking.com/stinking-thinking/if-i-stay-he-will-change/comment-page-1/#comment-1842 hurtfulintexas Fri, 22 Oct 2010 13:54:26 +0000 http://www.lovemarriageandstinkingthinking.com/?p=175#comment-1842 Hi, I have been having marital problems. We have been together 25 years and married 22 years. We have five children ages 25,23,15.14,11.Last year my husband had a emotional or affair with a female co.worker. My husband told me we was done. I was shocked. Anyway I have learned allot this past year. after three weeks my husband told me he loves me and wants our marriage to stay strong. we live in a small town (his home town) where everyone knows who you are. This past Sept. in our home town festival my husband and I was working at a booth with my mom and my husbands female co.worker showed up and started talking to my husband. They talked while I was working. They acted like I was not there. I got up set and walked away. My daughter came after me. I told my daughter that I felt up set and that I felt like it was being thrown in my face. She said I know mom. So I left and went home. My daughter walked over to the female co.worker and asked her where is your kids and husband? She said at home. My daughter said well you should be home too. My husband laughed thinking it was a joke. It was not a joke. Then after my husbands female co. worker left my husband said where is your mother? Our daughter said she went home. So he cane home and said what did I do? I said you know. He said what _________(her name) and I said yes. How dare you. He said I did not ask her to come. I said you did not ask her to leave. I said you must be stupid because she likes you. He said what are you talking about? I said she sees you 5 times a week at work and she had no reason to come see you here. He said he got it. I told him I want to move and start a new life in a new town away from here and I have been telling you this for 8 months and nothing has changed. I need to find my peace. I told him I will do this with or without you. I said I love you but I don't want to be here in this town and if your job and friends are worth what we have then I will move without you. He was shocked. I do feel bad about asking him to quit his job when he only has 15 years to retirement but I have dealt with to much in this town. I told him I would rather live poor that to feel the way I do. Then last friday he was playing around with our youngest son. joking him about a girlfriend and oops what happened he said his female co. workers name. I got up set. He said please don't take it like that. He said he was sorry. I said okay but how strange the first name that came out your mouth was her name. I just felt like if her name was the first name out of his mouth was her name he must have been thinking about her. Maybe it meant nothing but to me it meant something. Am I selfish for wanting to move and asking him to quit his job? I feel like if we move we can get past this mess. We don't believe in divorce and we don't want one but I can't let my husband keep walking over me. Please any advice would be great, God bless Hi, I have been having marital problems. We have been together 25 years and married 22 years. We have five children ages 25,23,15.14,11.Last year my husband had a emotional or affair with a female co.worker. My husband told me we was done. I was shocked. Anyway I have learned allot this past year. after three weeks my husband told me he loves me and wants our marriage to stay strong. we live in a small town (his home town) where everyone knows who you are. This past Sept. in our home town festival my husband and I was working at a booth with my mom and my husbands female co.worker showed up and started talking to my husband. They talked while I was working. They acted like I was not there. I got up set and walked away. My daughter came after me. I told my daughter that I felt up set and that I felt like it was being thrown in my face. She said I know mom. So I left and went home. My daughter walked over to the female co.worker and asked her where is your kids and husband? She said at home. My daughter said well you should be home too. My husband laughed thinking it was a joke. It was not a joke. Then after my husbands female co. worker left my husband said where is your mother? Our daughter said she went home. So he cane home and said what did I do? I said you know. He said what _________(her name) and I said yes. How dare you. He said I did not ask her to come. I said you did not ask her to leave. I said you must be stupid because she likes you. He said what are you talking about? I said she sees you 5 times a week at work and she had no reason to come see you here. He said he got it. I told him I want to move and start a new life in a new town away from here and I have been telling you this for 8 months and nothing has changed. I need to find my peace. I told him I will do this with or without you. I said I love you but I don’t want to be here in this town and if your job and friends are worth what we have then I will move without you. He was shocked. I do feel bad about asking him to quit his job when he only has 15 years to retirement but I have dealt with to much in this town. I told him I would rather live poor that to feel the way I do. Then last friday he was playing around with our youngest son. joking him about a girlfriend and oops what happened he said his female co. workers name. I got up set. He said please don’t take it like that. He said he was sorry. I said okay but how strange the first name that came out your mouth was her name. I just felt like if her name was the first name out of his mouth was her name he must have been thinking about her. Maybe it meant nothing but to me it meant something. Am I selfish for wanting to move and asking him to quit his job? I feel like if we move we can get past this mess. We don’t believe in divorce and we don’t want one but I can’t let my husband keep walking over me.
Please any advice would be great,
God bless

]]> By: Faith http://www.lovemarriageandstinkingthinking.com/stinking-thinking/if-i-stay-he-will-change/comment-page-1/#comment-1481 Faith Wed, 24 Mar 2010 16:06:17 +0000 http://www.lovemarriageandstinkingthinking.com/?p=175#comment-1481 Thanks I will emial him at the address you provided! Thanks I will emial him at the address you provided!

]]> By: Diane Brierley for Mark Gungor http://www.lovemarriageandstinkingthinking.com/stinking-thinking/if-i-stay-he-will-change/comment-page-1/#comment-1480 Diane Brierley for Mark Gungor Wed, 24 Mar 2010 13:31:48 +0000 http://www.lovemarriageandstinkingthinking.com/?p=175#comment-1480 Mark handles all specific questions through his daily internet radio show. Please send your email to radio@laughyourway.com and he'll be happy to answer for you. You can listen weekdays from 10-11 am CST at <a href="http://www.markgungorshow.com" rel="nofollow">www.markgungorshow.com </a>and the archives are available on the site to listen to past shows. Mark handles all specific questions through his daily internet radio show. Please send your email to radio@laughyourway.com and he’ll be happy to answer for you.
You can listen weekdays from 10-11 am CST at http://www.markgungorshow.com and the archives are available on the site to listen to past shows.

]]> By: Faith http://www.lovemarriageandstinkingthinking.com/stinking-thinking/if-i-stay-he-will-change/comment-page-1/#comment-1477 Faith Tue, 23 Mar 2010 20:49:47 +0000 http://www.lovemarriageandstinkingthinking.com/?p=175#comment-1477 Hello Mark, I have been married 12 years, and I married at age 18 to a man 9 years older then me. We have been in and out of counseling for his addiction to porn. I currently am legally separated from him due to out last confritation about me finding it again on his computer became physical. We have two amzing kids under the age of 7 and I am trying to work it out, but he has choosen not to make any counseling sessions, and has canceled two of our mediations. I am trying to reconcile, but he is not giving me any choices to make things work if he doesn't even show up. I am not willing ot put up with this sin anymore, especially because we have kids. He is unwilling to do anything to get rid of it, and wants me to take action if I have a problem with it. What advise to you have for me, because I am really struggling with just filing for divorce while I am seeking Gods will. Blessings, Hello Mark,

I have been married 12 years, and I married at age 18 to a man 9 years older then me. We have been in and out of counseling for his addiction to porn. I currently am legally separated from him due to out last confritation about me finding it again on his computer became physical.
We have two amzing kids under the age of 7 and I am trying to work it out, but he has choosen not to make any counseling sessions, and has canceled two of our mediations. I am trying to reconcile, but he is not giving me any choices to make things work if he doesn’t even show up. I am not willing ot put up with this sin anymore, especially because we have kids. He is unwilling to do anything to get rid of it, and wants me to take action if I have a problem with it. What advise to you have for me, because I am really struggling with just filing for divorce while I am seeking Gods will.

Blessings,

]]> By: Debra http://www.lovemarriageandstinkingthinking.com/stinking-thinking/if-i-stay-he-will-change/comment-page-1/#comment-1473 Debra Wed, 17 Mar 2010 07:11:12 +0000 http://www.lovemarriageandstinkingthinking.com/?p=175#comment-1473 Dear Denise: Hello from Washington state when you read this I hope things are better for you and your family. I went to a domestic violence support group and decided to end my marriage but it took me years to make this decision. After being divorced and separated my ex-husband and I can actually talk without fighting. Keep praying for your husband and children I pray for mine. Even though I am divorced I still feel married. Been married too long. Stand your ground and take back your family pray and read God's promises every where you walk welcome God's presence and will. Pray in tongues are you Pentecostal? Dear Denise:

Hello from Washington state when you read this I hope things are better for you and your family. I went to a domestic violence support group and decided to end my marriage but it took me years to make this decision. After being divorced and separated my ex-husband and I can actually talk without fighting. Keep praying for your husband and children I pray for mine. Even though I am divorced I still feel married. Been married too long. Stand your ground and take back your family pray and read God’s promises every where you walk welcome God’s presence and will. Pray in tongues are you Pentecostal?

]]> By: gad http://www.lovemarriageandstinkingthinking.com/stinking-thinking/if-i-stay-he-will-change/comment-page-1/#comment-1229 gad Sat, 06 Feb 2010 08:22:55 +0000 http://www.lovemarriageandstinkingthinking.com/?p=175#comment-1229 hi denise am sorry for what you are undergoing and i can only imagine. am writing this from nairobi kenya and all i can tell you is that Jehovah God is faithful and just, dont tire doing good, Gods timing is always the best, He is never late or early. just like what He did to you (your salvation) He will truely save your hubby and son, trust in Him, He rewords those who deligently seek after him. faith is the key... keep seeking Him and he will never leave you nor forsake you. hi denise
am sorry for what you are undergoing and i can only imagine. am writing this from nairobi kenya and all i can tell you is that Jehovah God is faithful and just, dont tire doing good, Gods timing is always the best, He is never late or early. just like what He did to you (your salvation) He will truely save your hubby and son, trust in Him, He rewords those who deligently seek after him. faith is the key… keep seeking Him and he will never leave you nor forsake you.

]]> By: Denise http://www.lovemarriageandstinkingthinking.com/stinking-thinking/if-i-stay-he-will-change/comment-page-1/#comment-1038 Denise Wed, 25 Nov 2009 16:13:37 +0000 http://www.lovemarriageandstinkingthinking.com/?p=175#comment-1038 I did not see the episode either, but came across this website. I have been married 10 years, but have been saved for only 5. When I met and married this man, I was not saved. I drank and partied with him...did all kinds of lewd behavior and such. He was used to that woman. When I got saved 5 years ago...it was like he came home and was now living with a different woman. No more drinking, going out, letting him hang with other women and me with other men...no more porno watching. I totally changed...I was now in love with Jesus...and at first, he thought it was just a phase...but 5 years later, I am still here growing in God and as I am convicted of things...I guess more and more changes in me are made. He is angry and bitter over this alot of the time. I tell him how much I love him and want to be a good wife, but I will never be the kind of wife he used to know. My husband is an alcoholic, and I have set up bouderies, but he continues to go out and drink. We have an 8 year old son together who worships his dad.He is not alowed to be drunk around our son, or have alcohol in the house. Our son is picking up so many behaviors from him. I pray all the time about it and trust that God is working behind the scenes. I teach our child Gods Word and bring him to Sunday school (only if my husband hasn't grabbed him early Sunday morning to take him hunting or fishing). My son used to love church when I first got saved, but now he doesn't want to go because daddy doesn't go, and he gets annoyed with me when I speak about God...he says he wants to be like dad....how old does he have to be to drink beer, ect. His father and I are constantly butting heads on things about our son. He teaches him its ok to do wrong things, he teaches him its ok to look at a woman with lust. I always approach the situation in prayer and in a loving but firm way, but my husband just says, just because you wanted to change, doesn't mean I or our son has to. He thinks I am trying to brainwash our son. Asking for any suggestions or anyone who has been or going through this to respond. I did not see the episode either, but came across this website. I have been married 10 years, but have been saved for only 5. When I met and married this man, I was not saved. I drank and partied with him…did all kinds of lewd behavior and such. He was used to that woman. When I got saved 5 years ago…it was like he came home and was now living with a different woman. No more drinking, going out, letting him hang with other women and me with other men…no more porno watching. I totally changed…I was now in love with Jesus…and at first, he thought it was just a phase…but 5 years later, I am still here growing in God and as I am convicted of things…I guess more and more changes in me are made. He is angry and bitter over this alot of the time. I tell him how much I love him and want to be a good wife, but I will never be the kind of wife he used to know. My husband is an alcoholic, and I have set up bouderies, but he continues to go out and drink. We have an 8 year old son together who worships his dad.He is not alowed to be drunk around our son, or have alcohol in the house. Our son is picking up so many behaviors from him. I pray all the time about it and trust that God is working behind the scenes. I teach our child Gods Word and bring him to Sunday school (only if my husband hasn’t grabbed him early Sunday morning to take him hunting or fishing). My son used to love church when I first got saved, but now he doesn’t want to go because daddy doesn’t go, and he gets annoyed with me when I speak about God…he says he wants to be like dad….how old does he have to be to drink beer, ect.
His father and I are constantly butting heads on things about our son. He teaches him its ok to do wrong things, he teaches him its ok to look at a woman with lust.
I always approach the situation in prayer and in a loving but firm way, but my husband just says, just because you wanted to change, doesn’t mean I or our son has to. He thinks I am trying to brainwash our son. Asking for any suggestions or anyone who has been or going through this to respond.

]]> By: Sue http://www.lovemarriageandstinkingthinking.com/stinking-thinking/if-i-stay-he-will-change/comment-page-1/#comment-1025 Sue Mon, 02 Nov 2009 23:45:08 +0000 http://www.lovemarriageandstinkingthinking.com/?p=175#comment-1025 Thanks Shirley She does not attend my church, my husband will not go to church with me. We own a company that we run from our home and have since we got married. This women was a client that we did a job for her once a year for 9 years. He would always tell me if something happened to us he would ask her out. I would not know her if I would have seen her, but she gets her hair cut and the same shop that our daughter works at. She was in the shop the other day and my daughter called me to tell me she was down there, so I went to see her for myself. When I got home I told my husband what I had done and he didn't believe me. I told him I was telling the truth and it sounded like she had found someone else (seeing that her and the girl cutting her hair was talking very loud)he had the nerve to ask me if I felt better knowing that she had found someone else, I told him I didn't care about her feelings only the way that he felt. I'm not sure how he really felt about her, but he told me that she told him she loved him, and when he told her that he wanted to work things out with me, she called the next day and told him it wasn't over for her and that she would wait on him. He did call her a month after he broke things off (I found out that he did this 2 months after he did it) he told me he was still confused. I did go to the doctor after I found out and he had broke things off with her to make sure I didn't have anything. This was not her first rodeo she had broke off atleast one other marriage. What do you say to people like that? The Lord says to pray for your enemys so I do and he also says to forgive them. I called her, she didn't answer so I left a message that I forgave her for everything she had done. I know I'm probably not handling things right but I felt that was what God wanted me to do. Thanks Shirley

She does not attend my church, my husband will not go to church with me. We own a company that we run from our home and have since we got married.
This women was a client that we did a job for her once a year for 9 years. He would always tell me if something happened to us he would ask her out.
I would not know her if I would have seen her, but she gets her hair cut and the same shop that our daughter works at. She was in the shop the other day and my daughter called me to tell me she was down there, so I went to see her for myself.
When I got home I told my husband what I had done and he didn’t believe me. I told him I was telling the truth and it sounded like she had found someone else (seeing that her and the girl cutting her hair was talking very loud)he had the nerve to ask me if I felt better knowing that she had found someone else, I told him I didn’t care about her feelings only the way that he felt.
I’m not sure how he really felt about her, but he told me that she told him she loved him, and when he told her that he wanted to work things out with me, she called the next day and told him it wasn’t over for her and that she would wait on him. He did call her a month after he broke things off (I found out that he did this 2 months after he did it) he told me he was still confused.

I did go to the doctor after I found out and he had broke things off with her to make sure I didn’t have anything.
This was not her first rodeo she had broke off atleast one other marriage. What do you say to people like that?
The Lord says to pray for your enemys so I do and he also says to forgive them. I called her, she didn’t answer so I left a message that I forgave her for everything she had done. I know I’m probably not handling things right but I felt that was what God wanted me to do.

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