Stinking Thinking

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S2E5: Spiritual Leader of the Home

Join Mark and Debbie on this week’s episode as they take on the subject of spiritual authority and the concept of the husband being the spiritual leader in the home. Many Christian marriages struggle and stumble in this area because we have created an image where the man is supposed to do everything — from taking care of finances to praying to being the one who hears from God and more. Hear how Mark challenges this image and find out why he thinks that a more correct model is that of the King and Prophet… a model that is shown to be very effective throughout scripture.

Both husbands and wives will find their relationship is accompanied by less resentment and more freedom when they understand that there are two roles and men don’t have to fulfill both.

Comments About This Clip

36 Responses to “S2E5: Spiritual Leader of the Home”

  1. Virginia says:

    Excellent! Thank you for this!!!! I needed to hear this.

  2. Queta Dobson says:

    We just attended a marriage seminar( smalley/lehmann) where they taught us that the wife could only grow spiritualy as far as her husband and no further. They challenged the men to stop keeping the wife from growing spiritualy by them taking the lead in their spiritual life.
    I came home very discourraged and upset with my husband,because he, by his own admission is very slow to learn from God.I felt like why continue to grow; I just need to sit and wait for my husband to catch up! I thought that our siritual growth was an individual thing betwwen the individual and God.
    we will wait to hear from you.
    We love your seminars!
    Bob and Queta Dobson

  3. Katrina Warren says:

    When i tell u this was such an eyeopener for me… i can’t say enough about this episode… talk about words blessing a marriage… This is one women should really listen to and men to receive as well.

  4. Mark,
    I really love your DVDs and I appreciate that you have exposed the misrepresentation about the man being the “spiritual leader”. It is certainly true that the Bible never calls the man the spiritual leader of the woman.

    I do have a problem, though, with your saying that the man is the one who is ultimately responsible for the home. The Bible doesn’t say this. God didn’t call Adam to speak for Eve nor did he call Ananias to be ultimately responsible (Acts 5:1-10) but God called Ananias AND Sapphira to be equally responsible for their own actions.

    In 1 Timothy 5:14 the Bible says: “(ASV) I desire therefore that the younger widows marry, bear children, rule the household, give no occasion to the adversary for reviling”

    Both the husband and the wife are in charge of the home. I have never seen a passage that says that only the husband is ultimately responsible for the home.

    As far as King and Prophet, I appreciate you saying that the man is not the only one who hears from God. That is great, but there is nothing Biblically to make the husband the “king” in the home. In the priesthood of the believer we are all equal and the only real “King” is the Lord Jesus.

    Thanks again for your good work.

  5. sarah says:

    My prayer partner and I were talking about this just today!! She wants to speak the truth to the body of Christ here, in Spain, about “the man is spiritual priest”of the woman and how the church isn’t teaching God’s truth, as revealed in the Word. I believe your program today is a confirmation from God. Glory to Him and thanks to you and all who give to make this program happen!!! Sarah

  6. Dyne says:

    wow! That was a real eye opener for me. That is how and why the two the shall become one. That confirms that we are both equal in Gods eyes but have differant assignments/jobs/calls. This will help take some of the frustration out of the equation.

    Thanks for sharing your understanding of a real difficult situation. I now understand my potition is an important one for the whole family.

    Dyne

  7. Teresa Litty says:

    This episode is exactly what I needed to hear and have been telling my christian female friends because this can set us free. It is brillant! Thank you Mark!

  8. Donna Boyle says:

    Hi Mark..I am a relatively new viewer to your program after seeing a telecast at my church on Marriage it was very encouraging..I REALLY like your program and BELIEVE that MORE LAUGHTER is key..All that being said….
    I am seriously pondering your recent episode on the man being the Spiritual Leader of the home because our home is experiencing this very scenario!!!..And I must confess, that I have grown to resent my husband some for his LACK of wanting to pray with me, read the bible and watch Christian TV..We have been married for 16years and I came to the Lord just 8 years ago and my husband is still on the fence..The reality is that we will never be in the same place spiritually and I pray that he will surpass me in knowledge and his love for the Lord…However, PRAISE GOD he is coming to church with me on Sundays and listens always very intently..I am just trying to not be his “Holy Spirit” which I now know that I was guilty of that for a long time and it only created MORE tension and MORE unhappiness in our home..I have learned as hard as it is MANY MANY DAYS to just leave him to GOD..You have given me much to take to the Lord in prayer about the King and the prophet!!…I just want us to be in unity, live right and have the peace of GOD in our home..Anyways, thanks and keep up the awesome work for we REALLY REALLY need MORE JOY AND MUCH MORE LAUGHTER…Sincerely, DonnaB.

  9. Sandy says:

    Hi Pastor Grungor,
    I viewed the clip. I have a question regarding what the bible (new testament) mentioning that the husbands being the priest in their homes. Does that also mean in some degree being a “spiritual leader” in their homes? Can you shed some light in this matter.

  10. carolyn says:

    I’m thankful for the reminder of my role in the marriage.
    I’ve been married for eight years. We were seperated for two. During those two years I sought God in prayer about how to reconcil with my husband. Eventyally by the revelation of the Holy Spirit I realized that I was to speak life into my relationship. Now we have been reconciled for three years. My husband stopped attending church with me years ago after a bad argument right before church and has not started back. If I was waiting for him to be the spiritual head I still be waiting. The verse that Mark mentiond is the rock of my marriage and the advice the elder women in the chruch give me is my encougement. “You can’t change him. God won’t change him but he will change you.” Can these dry dead bones live again? Prophesy. Thank you Mark I will encouragement my husband with a peaceful, gentle behavior with him. And a warrior mentality agaist the forces of the enemy.

  11. Mark you are great… I love this show… how can I get a mp3 of this show… preferably downloadable…? I would love to have it for tonights Bible study… Thanks and GOD bless.
    Serving HIM with you,
    Dr. Jim

    S2E5: Spiritual Leader of the Home is the show I am referring to.

  12. Tina says:

    I would love to be interviewed on your show, ADHD and loving it!
    would have alot of fun, we are very simulare!
    LoVe the show!! It’s alot of fun!!
    Keep up the good work!
    Tina

  13. We don’t have the audio files available, but you can stream them over YouTube or purchase the DVDs at a later date.

  14. shanta says:

    hi my name is shanta i am 20yrs old. yesterday i watch your program for the first time and it made me do alot of thinking. my relationship is not going too well but i am doing oka. the problem my relationship is havind is my boyfriend is not having enough time for us. he is an accountant and he always in front of the television. we dont live together but some how i believe that he is living with a woman and he dont want to tell me. he never take me to his place. he is a bit older than me but i love him with all my herat and soul he dont shout at me he give me all my freedom. but we dont spend anyttime together. i really like to hear your comment.

  15. shanta says:

    thank you. i think your program is really touching me i enjoy and most of all i take notes. i want to get closer to god but i just find it difficult for me.

  16. Anne says:

    What a revelation of the roles of husband and wives. I have always wondered why my husband did not step up to the plate, listening to the others, e,g, Family Life Today, Focus on the Family your show helped me better understand why I have always been the prophet in the home and how I should present the information in a Godly manner. Pastor Mark you ROCK!!

  17. I was watching on Nov,8,09 Monday and straightway I knew what I always suspected someone needed to speak the truth and in love. Though I may know that society and culture and all the forces of the society wants to enslave all minds as to what marriage, sex and thinking should be, because the minds have been inprisoned long enough with the slavery of blind faith, hope and love! Like Paul experienced in the road to Damascus I know trust, submission and growth in respect there is no committment and relationship towards Christ Jesus Amen.

  18. Stephanie McKenzie says:

    I feel in love with youtr show the first time that I watched it. I think Gid has given you a great talent. I watch you on-line now becasue you simply do not come on TBN rnough God Bless…

  19. Wanda Martinez says:

    Thank You. Finally a show that tells it like it is.
    I enjoyed it very much.

  20. Mary Lynn Anderson says:

    I really enjoyed this program about Spiritual Leader of The House. I am a Messianic Christian, I recently married a man that said he was of the same faith. I was alone for 32 years, serving Yeshua and being faithful to the calling of God. When I married this man, he took over all my finances and every aspect of my life! He told me he as a Messianic was the Spiritual leader of our home. However, he was very disrespectful toward me and treated me as if I had no right to make any decisions and became very abusive. He always told me I was not submissive enought and let him make all the decisions, he was responsible for the out come. When I tried to explain that I was not a door mat I was a help mate, he became very loud and began using language that I had not heard since I had lived in Buffalo, New York from people out side the church. All my savings dissappeared and he refused to allow me to pay tithing, said that we were never told to pay tithing until we were in our land in Israel. Then he informed me that I was not part of the dispora, the lost tribe and the origional seed of God and that I would not be allowed to go to any of the feast with him! He left me and went with this man that professed to be a rabbi, whom also used profanity the few times I was around him and they left for Feast of Tabernacle and would not allow me to know where they were and powered his mobile phone and left for 8 days. I am a Type1 diabetic and when this happened, I knew after 16 months of marriage I was not staying any longer! I had to flee so he would not hurt me and I am staying a 2 1/2 drive in another town and still not understanding why I allowed my self to be deceived after staying alone for 32 years and divorced since I was 28 years old and now I am 62 years old. Please, pray for me and Yeshua did make a way for me where there was no other way. I essence I agree that a man is not always the Spiritual Leader of a house, if the wife has insight, he should give her understanding and listen to her insights as well.
    Shalom
    Mary Lynn

  21. You had a discussion about how a woman reacts when she has been neglected by sexual morallity.
    What does the man do when it is he who has been ronged by a wife who committs adultry?

  22. Sarah Dee says:

    I just learned of this show on Jan 6th, 2010. I was very happy and intuned with what was said. Thank You now I have a place where I can ask questions and get real answers

  23. I had a question. I have a friend who’s married. She left her husband and moved to another state with her three children he is their stepfather. The children are 14,18, and 20 years old. The children are settled into new schools in the new state. She was just offered a job and is a member of the military reserves in that state. She left the marriage due to various problems throughout the yrs. Although he has shown minimal changes after visiting him one time since leaving, he is willing to attend counseling with her. She wants to work the marriage out. He wants her to move back, but she feels he should come to her. He has a job where he is at now. He does not want to move. What should she do.

  24. Teresa says:

    What would be Mark’s perspective on my husband who is a believer, but younger in his walk, going down to Ft. Lauderdale to a Stikeforce fight, which was fun and fine with me as his wife……then he left there and went to Hark Rock Casino’s which I didn’t have a problem with since he doesn’t have any gambling problems, but I DID have a problem with him going back to his hotel (who he shared with his single 61 yr old unbeliever male friend) and didn’t arrive until 5:00 am……. He’s never down this in our almost 5 years of a relationship/7 month marriage.

  25. Carol Clarke says:

    This is the best show I have ever seen. Little did I know you could learn about the Bible while laughing………..

  26. Linda Lou says:

    This morning 02/10/2010 getting ready for work I had TBN on and your program came on. I was in awe and I so appreciated the program. I missed the first half and would like to see it. How may I find this on line to watch?

  27. Marlyn says:

    I appreciate this episode so much. I was just thinking about giving up on a marriage of 12 years and we have four beautiful children. My husband is an unactive minister but I seem to be the spiritual leader in our home. He doesn’t seem to honor the things that I have warned him about and we continue to suffer. I desire a true spiritual leader but I will try to apply the things you have stated in your show to help me. Thank you I love your show!

  28. Wanda says:

    I think you have very informative show and I just love it. Both serious with wisdom and hu—-larious at the same time. I have just one question? I have a friend who has had women issues from his mother to his female friends. Too many to mention. Now he battles and is in serious warfare for his sound mind. I used to care for him but it’s just too much for me. However, I hate to see him go through it. What should I do? I saw the spriits from day one but refuse to go against his will to help him. Or, should I just lay hands suddenly? All kidding aside he needs help!!!!!

  29. lavette says:

    I have a situation that i need to discuss first of all i been married for 16 years and i do not feel loved first reason being is because there is not a lot of time being spent in the home from my husband, also he is a minister for 8 yrs i dont see the affection being spent nor communication nor commitment when i get all dolled up he doesnt even look at me or notice how i look so can you tell me what you think because to be honest with you i feel as though he doesnt love me

    –+

  30. Nathan Freeman says:

    Mark,
    I really appreciate your message to women here, as many expect their husbands to be and do everything. My wife and I have been watching your marriage seminar and are enjoying it immensely. However, my wife gets the feeling that you ask too little of us men, and after watching this clip, I am tending to agree with her.
    I do realize that you are addressing a woman’s question in this segment and this is what women need to hear, but men need to hear the strength of the message contained in your analogies to king and president. The Bible directly correlates the relationship of a man to his wife to the relationship of Christ to his Church. The responsibility of being king and president, laying down our lives for our wives and families, is a great one and if we are not immersed in the Word, and carefully weighing the wisdom of our wives and the wisdom God grants us in our own study, we will fall woefully short in this endeavour.

    Thank you for your humour and refreshing perspective,

    Nathan Freeman,
    Osoyoos, BC, Canada

  31. Steve says:

    I saw your show of a man writing in about suffering in silence over the kittens in the house. I got something to say to him. Do what I did—>I am also allergic to cats in the house but not dogs and my wife knew I hate cats and can’t have them inside. One day I came home and saw that she found a cat and I suffered in silence for the night. The next day she went grocery shopping (she forbids to go with her grocery shopping) and I took the cat outside and used the cat for target practice so I get better at hunting Bambi. I love Bambi Burgers.

  32. Shelley says:

    I just saw this video aired on The Dove TV today. I just started doing “The Truth Project” at church…and wonder if this will be addressed in the sessions to come. What you said has awakened me to the truth that it does not say that men have to be the Spiritual Leader of their home and that being the head of the home is not one of the same.

    I was glad to hear that my husband is normal, too. I was beginning to wonder. ;D

    Joy in Christ to you always

  33. Mike says:

    I respectfully disagree with Pastor Gungor’s views on this. The Bible does not instruct husbands to model themselves after Moses or Old Testament kings. The Bible specifically instructs husbands to model themselves after Christ (Eph 5:23).
    Jesus’ relationship with the church is the model for the husband’s relationship with his wife. And in Jesus’ relationship with the church, He has 3 clear roles: Prophet, Priest, and King. Now, obviously husbands will fall short compared to Jesus. We’re not perfect. But He is our role model, and so imitating Him should be our goal.
    For more on this subject, read the book “The Christian Husband” by Bob Lepine.

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